tofu w beans

this recipe is for idiots... really.  excuse me, i meant this recipe is for dummies, dummy, whatever.

i realize what the problem with “going on a diet” is: trying to lose weight you gained in a year or two in a week or two!  if that isn’t the stupidest thing a rational human being can do.  that – to my mind – is suicide and largely the reason why diets fail.  but alas! we are like... hmm, i lost the thought. 

another reason why diets fail is when our appetite gets the better of us, or rather the number of times we allow our appetites to get the better of us.  just last week i had to give in to my appetite.  i love lechon paksiw, it’s my favourite dish.  whenever and wherever i find lechon paksiw sold or served, i am suckered and hapless, swallowing hook, line, sinker, rod and fisherman!  but i am not on a diet so the chances of the diet failing is highly improbable and close to nill.  sometimes there is a real advantage in being a mathematician (or a statistician.)

at any rate, i have made up my mind not to try to lose the weight i gained over the past year and some months in a week or so, no, not even in a month.  my goal (today) is to lose ahm 20 pounds in 100 days.  okay, okay, 16 pounds; hmm, that would make me roughly less than 16 lbs in 100 days since i started to change my eating habits.

there you have it, straight from the bee’s hive, the ant’s hill, the horse’s mouth – the secret to losing weight: a change in eating habits.  100 days they say is the number of days to achieve system overhaul, where your body has well adjusted to your new eating habits somewhere in your basal ganglia, hmm...

the date to watch: june 8, 2012.

the weight to watch: 16 lbs less (hopefully more than 16 lbs less!)

100 grams baguio beans (as we call it)

250 grams tofu

desired dressing (or vinegarette)

slice baguio beans into 1-1/2 inch segments (make diagonal cuts)

heat 500 ml water in a saucepan

when tiny bubbles appear, dance the hu-ki-lao...  no, quasimodo!

when tiny bubbles appear, immerse beans and simmer for 3 minutes.  *yawn*

remove baguio beans from water and drain.   *yawn*

or you can nuke the beans in a nuclear (pronounced “nyook-kilær” by george w bush) microwave oven for about the same time.  still *yawn*

deep fry tofu cubes until golden brown.  *yawn*

drain.  *yawn*

arrange on a plate and drizzle with desired dressing.  *yawn*

serve with boiled sweet potato (kamote) and top tofu with shredded carrots.

“zzzzzzzzzzzzz...”  *snore*

good eat!

tofu soba

this recipe was inspired by a post in google+ by an old classmate and friend named jim ayson.   he’d just come from spain, and having got tired of the vegetarian fare there the first thing he digged at upon arriving here since its more fun in the philippines was a “tofu soba” which i presume is a vegan fare, jim being a vegan.  this “tofu soba” recipe i post is simply a crude creation (read: imbento) of mine and is really a far cry from jim's post.

i am not vegan, and this is... american idol.  ahaha, i meant this is not vegan, this “tofu soba”,  it’s quasi-vegetarian.  it would have passed as a vegan dish had it not been for the dumplings (actually squid balls; and there are lobster balls, and tuna balls, and what have you dumplings to dump into your soups to give it richer flavour.)  take away the dumplings this dish would pass as vegan.  but for now it’s quasi-vegetarian.

quasi-vegetarian yah similar to quasi-judicial and quasi-political which is the senate impeachment trial of chief justice renato corona; which as the expert political analysts and legal luminaries say is neither judicial nor political but both and sui generis *scratches head*;  which are quasi-vegetarians which are vegetarians that are not vegetarians and both.

so this quasi-vegetarian “tofu soba” is a vegetarian dish and not a vegetarian dish both at the same time; which is neither mathematically nor statistically improbable.  go figure.

i can actually prove that 2 = 1... probably later.

you might need the following:

250 grams fresh soba noodles

450 grams firm tofu, cut into 1 inch cubes

250 grams dumplings (optional)

250 grams pechay tagalog

100 grams carrots, cut diagonally into wedges

50 grams spring onions, chopped

2 tbsp toasted sesame seeds

4 cloves garlic, minced

1 medium onion, sliced and diced, or merely sliced

1/2 tsp ground cumin

1/4 tsp ground black pepper

1/4 tsp cayenne pepper

salt to taste

added seasoning (optional)

1. soak, wash and drain noodles.

2. fry tofu cubes in canola oil until color turns very slightly.  drain.  set aside.

3. in a wok, saute garlic and toast slightly.

4. add onions and cook until tender.

5. pour 750-1000 ml water into wok and boil.

6. add noodles, dumplings, pechay, carrots, spring onions, cumin, black pepper, cayenne pepper, salt and seasoning.  bring mixture to a boil then simmer until liquid is reduced to a thick broth and the flavours of the ingredients are drawn out.

7. serve in bowls.  top with tofu cubes and sprinkle with toasted sesame seeds.  serves 10 midget, 3 giant, or about 5 regular-sized tummies.

 

good eat!  ...or eat good! ?

ginataang labong w/ saluyot

i’m back.  it’s good to be back on track.

for more than a year now i’ve left off my monkey diet-it’s not actually a diet because diets don’t work, it’s just a simple food program i’ve created-which is not really called monkey diet in the first place, but by a longer, much longer, name, ahm, needless to say.

it was about the time of year (last year, no, last, last year) when good friends are dear, the time of year when the world sincere ruins any and all attempts you make at keeping your weight in check and at par and you find everybody else agreeing with you (eventually, or so you’ve convinced yourself) that “it’s christmas and diets are suspended during christmas!”  well, at any rate, it’s good to be back on track, after more than a year’s leave not just from my diet-which-isn’t-a-diet but likewise from my taking pictures of the various foods i prepared at that time.  our point-and-shoot digicam broke!  at any rate, the people i live with (that would be my wife and 2-3 children-who-are-no-longer-children) now have phones that are equipped with cameras.  we also have a pet dog named “doorstopper” but probably, i guess, you’re not interested in that.

thanks to a friend of mine who said, “you’ve done it before, you can do it again!” 

this viand is a classic, or a variation of a classic dish (whatever that means.)  ginisang labong was a favourite of mine growing up.  my mom prepared this viand often as i still recall (it’s never easy to forget) that spine-chilling odorifarious grub fresh from the market (it’s fresh but it’s actually been chemically processed.)  but i don’t recall her cooking it ginataan, it was (as i recall) always ginisa-and never with saluyot because she isn’t a G.I.

stories abound (do they?) about the saluyot being the national plant or shrub (whatever) of ilocoslovakia.  i remember reading long before how the inimitable max soliven never so often mentions this in his editorials in the philippine star.  i read pdi nowadays.  anyway, the analogy goes something like this: the saluyot is a hardy plant, you can plant it anywhere and it thrives in any kind of soil against the most adverse conditions, just like the genuine ilocano, he can prosper anywhere in the world and in the most adverse economic conditions.  ahm, for the most part, that’s it.  mabuhay ang mga G.I.!

now, for our recipe you will be needing...

about 1/4 kilo labong (bamboo shoot)

saluyot (leaves) from about 6-10 stems

3/4-1 cup coconut cream, pure (kakang-gata)

2 cups coconut cream, diluted

3 cloves garlic, crushed

1 medium onion, sliced or diced

1 thumb-size ginger, sliced or diced

1-2 red chili peppers, optional

100 grams whether pork, shrimp whatever (if you use)

salt or bagoong (or whatever flavoring you use)

some vinegar for boiling

here’s how: (this is assuming everything is washed and clean)

1. boil the labong in water with some vinegar (okay, about 2 tablespoons vinegar.)

2. drain.

3. combine the diluted coconut cream with the garlic, onion, ginger, pepper, pork (or whatever), salt (or whatever) in a saucepan.  bring to a boil.

4. add labong and bring to a boil.

5. add the saluyot and simmer until labong is tender to the bite.

6. adjust taste.

7. add the pure coconut cream (kakang-gata) and cook further  for 1 minute.

8. turn off heat.  mix and serve.

doorstopper

doorstopper.  that’s the name of our 4-month old female puppy.  curious and unusual name for a dog yeah?  yeah!  i’ve heard of curiouser names not just of dogs... but of people.

there’s a twin in our neighborhood named 'A' and 'B'.  ask me “who’s the older twin?” be my guest -- your guess is as good as mine! haha. 

then there’s 'zyrx' and 'xyzyx'.  these boys (zyrx is in college and xyzyx is now probably in grade school) are not related in any way except for the 3 letters of the alphabet their names have in common - letters one would wish was on his car’s license plate rather than on his birth certificate.

and there's my good friend 'magnificentus'...  the name’s not too curious, but it’s quite unusual...  and magnificent!

well uhm... about curious and unusual names of dogs, i don’t think i’ve encountered a name more curiouser than 'doorstopper'.  

doorstopper is a big dog.  she's a crossbreed. her mother is a black labrador and her father is (they say) a crossbreed between a rottweiler and a... crumpleface.  so doorstopper is half black labrador and half rottweiler-crumpleface.  but she got her looks from crumpleface.  so even if she's happy she looks sad.  :(  

uhm, if you crossbreed a tiger and a deer what would you get?  a full tiger!  full... got that... having eaten all it can of the deer, haha!

doorstopper was given to me by a good and liberal fil-chinese friend and his whole family.  yeah, his whole family -- his wife and four kids -- that’s right.  okay! okay! so i asked for the puppy!  uhm, our 7-month old dog 'hachiko' died, blah blah blah... and i didn't get to read the autopsy report, blah blah blah... of course there was no autopsy report, quasimodo! blah blah blah... and my two daughters and my wife were asking me how we could replace hachiko, blah blah blah... and their dog 'julianne' had just given birth to four puppies, blah blah blah... so the good family gave me a puppy.  

how could i forget that sunday afternoon when i came to their house to collect the puppy.  it was reminiscent of the olden days before the international airport was modernized into what it is now.  hordes of relatives and well-wishers waving their final goodbyes would throng the viewing deck from where the huge airplanes were just about a couple of hundred meters away, before they taxied and took off – not the relatives and well-wishers, quasimodo, the airplanes.

the whole family went out of their way, ahh, rather, out of their house to bid doorstopper farewell.  it was one of those parting moments, as shakespeare wrote, parting time is such sweet sorrow!  heartfelt and very touching – if only doorstopper had feelings!  oops! sorry!  i don’t want to hurt those who believe that dogs have feelings too like humans do.  if you believe dogs have feelings, go ahead, believe... fine.

i think daniel (the oldest son who’s 8 or 9 yrs old) felt the uneasiness of the dog being called doorstopper so he gave her an alternate name – snowy.  lovely!  if only his mother had not said, why name her snowy when she is so not white!  

uhm, how did she get the name doorstopper, in the first place?  i asked.  blah blah blah... their dog had four puppies, each assigned to a child (four kids remember?) in the family, blah blah blah.  this puppy belonged to the youngest son isaiah who is (i think) a year old, and who obviously could not give his puppy a name except probably 'dada' or 'waaaah!'  so to solve the apparent dilemma the family decided to name the puppy after isaiah’s favorite toy – a wedge-shaped rubber thing-a-ma-jig people insert in the gap between the door and the floor to keep the door open, or to keep the door from slamming on your face when a strong wind blows while you are entering the house – a doorstopper!

well, uhm... at least that's one criteria on how to name a nameless puppy that belongs to a one-year old child!

vegan chili

bongga!  yah, that’s the word.  bongga ka day! goes the (title and) refrain of a 1970’s song by the hot dogs, which in all probability thrust the term bongga! into currency and popular usage.  ahm, it’s use (then) is similar to the way the word sosyal! is used (now) - flashy, show-offy, flaunty, high profile, high brow lifestyle, or pa-style.

buhok mo’y budji, talampaka’y gucci, suot mo’y gawa ni pitoy, di nanggaling kay eloy, goes a line in the same song.  ahm, budji (for the uninitiated) is short for budjiwara, the hairdresser of manila’s haves - the elite; gucci, well, ahm, gucci is still around as a fashion icon; pitoy, well, ahm, pitoy moreno yah, he’s still around also as a fashion icon; but eloy, (for the uninitiated) ahm, eloy is eloy's, the buyer of used clothing; if you needed (extra) money, gather some used clothes and sell them at eloy’s.  ahm, but they also re-sell them second-hand, much like today’s ukay-ukay but slightly different.  so if you were bongga (then) the words from the song fit you, sosyal ka! ahm, in other words.

but then again, ahm, the spoken language is easily subjected to revision through the vicissitudes of social change.  bongga and sosyal (today – thanks to language anarchy) have taken on dimensions of expression such as exclamations of like, approval or excitement.  much like the word astig! or the more emphatic asteeeeg! which is often used as an exclamation of wonderful surprise, amazement and great approval, much in the same way that, ahm, cool! is used.  i once heard a reformed pastor, having preached about the wonderful grace of JESUS CHRIST, end his sermon – astig si LORD!   in the 1970’s an astig (tumbled from tigas) was either a tough guy or a bully – yah, never a wonderful surprise welcomed with great approval!

well, ahm, bongga! has taken another hit and struck a new chord and has just recently been subjected to its latest social revision.  bonggang-bongga! took on new meaning meaning thanks to miss universe 2010 4th runner-up miss venus raj-raj-raj. 

bonggang-bongga now (also) means MAJOR, MAJOR!

here’s what you major, major need: see that?

2 Tbsp olive oil

6 cloves garlic, crushed

1 large or 2 medium onions, chopped fine

3 red chili peppers, cut coarsely

1 can (450g) sliced mushrooms, drained

1 can (250 g) whole kernel corn, drained

500 g red kidney beans, cooked

2 pouches (200 g) tomato sauce

2 Tbsp light soy sauce

1 tsp chili powder

½ tsp italian herbs

¼ tsp cayenne

½ c water

salt and pepper

leeks, sliced coarsely

here’s what to do:

1- one night before, soak 250 g dried red kidney beans in a basin, in ample amount of water to allow for expansion.  (this will give you the equivalent of about 500 g of cooked red kidney beans that you will need for the recipe.)

2- the next morning, boil 1 – 1-1/2 liters of water in a pot.  when the water boils, add the red kidney beans.  boil and simmer for about 1 hour or so.  remove from heat and leave in the pot until it cools down.  drain.

in a stainless steel wok:

1- heat olive oil

2- saute garlic, onions and red chili peppers for a couple of minutes.  WARNING: exposure to or inhalation of chili pepper fumes may cause mild to severe irritation of the eyes, nostrils or lungs

3- add mushrooms and saute further

4- add soy sauce and saute further

5- add corn, kidney beans, tomato sauce and water and bring to a boil, stirring occasionally

6- add chili powder, italian herbs and cayenne

7- simmer in low heat for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally

8- add salt and pepper to suit your taste

9- serve in bowl or plate topped with sliced leeks

10- pour chilled cabernet on a glass and...

let’s drink to that!

ensaladang labanos

here's what you need:

2 pcs large or 500 g white radish (labanos)

1 large or 2 medium onions, chopped coarsely

1 medium or 2 Tbsp ginger, chopped finely

2 large or 3 medium tomato, sliced coarsely

1 red chili pepper, cut coarsely

6 kalamansi or 3 Tbsp kalamansi juice

2 Tbsp sugar, washed or brown

salt and pepper

rock salt

vinegar

here’s what to do:

the white radish.

1- peel radish  

2- slice lengthwise into paper-thin slices.  (you could use the peeler for this purpose, or if you have anything else by which to do the job, e.g. your husband)

3- rub sliced radish with rock salt and leave for a couple of minutes.  (5 minutes is still a couple of minutes if you ask me)

4- press out or wring off all the water (which has now come out) from the radish

5- soak the radish in vinegar, just enough to cover everything about 1/4 – 1/3 cup, for a couple of minutes.  this cold-cooks the radish

6- press out or wring off all the vinegar-wash from the radish

the ensalada.

1- loosen and disentangle the radish and place in a bowl

2- add onions, ginger, tomato and chili peppers

3- dissolve sugar in kalamansi juice, then add to radish mixture

4- toss together until well combined

5- add salt and pepper to suit your taste

6- serve on the side or top with fried immortal tofu

7- now, open a bottle of your favorite chilled fermented fruit, hops or malt beverage :)))

so, ahm, hope you enjoy the ride!

kilawing labanos w/ fried tofu

one of the reasons (i think) diets fail is because diets entail subjecting the mind and body to unbearable suffering through food deprivation.  ahm, it's sort of like punishing your mind and body.  and in some cases it borders on torture, self-torture.   yah, don't you just cherish the thought?  the thought of self-torture?  who in his right mind doesn't, eh?!  kamaan!

yah, and it's your mind and body, not just your body.  and it’s more of your mind than your body.  but, isn't dieting just for your body?, you might ask,  to lose weight and all, to take off all that flab and have a slimmer figure.   well, if that's all you think it is, better think again.  the hard-to-swallow-truth is: you are going on a diet because you have made up your mind!  but your body cries out, “eat!  eat!  eat!” and, boy-o-boy, do you love to eat!

ricky hatton takes a left hook to the jaw

it's like a left hook and a right uppercut.  one or both punches can knock you out!  and most of the time people give up - the fact that a person gives up makes it a matter of the mind, ahm, that is, unless you find your jaw on the receiving end of the glove of a certain manny “pacman” pacquiao, then it’s no longer a matter of the mind but, really, of the body, as ricky hatton *smack* found out, but that’s just about it; other than that, i think, a person’s giving up on a diet is much a matter of the mind than many failed dieters would admit.  and, ahm, refusing to admit it is a matter of the mind as well, which is more popularly known as “denial - most of the time people give up because they could no longer take the punishment, which was self-inflicted in the first place.

ricky hatton knocked-out by the left hook

others play a mentalist sleight-of-hand game by calling a diet a lifestyle change.  you may heave heard of the south beach lifestyle.  well, ahm, true, it is a lifestyle change - and a diet.  conventional wisdom says, “diets don’t work!” so go for a lifestyle change, which is nothing more or less than going on a diet, albeit, in a different size, shape and form, but no less, a diet.  i do not deceive or delude myself, as others happily do.  i am on a diet and a lifestyle change. 

the challenge in going on a successful diet and lifestyle change is in understanding its dynamics.  now for a better understanding of its dynamics, nah, joke...  but for the kilawing labanos...

you will need:

1 pc radish (approx 400-500 grams)

1 block tofu (approx 250-300 grams)

2 Tbsp oil (canola or olive)

2 Tbsp chopped ginger

3 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed

1 medium size onion, sliced

2 red chili peppers, cut coarsely

1/4 - 1/3 c water

3 Tbsp vinegar

2 Tbsp sugar, washed or brown

fish sauce (for pinoys and non-vegans)

salt and pepper

the tofu:

1- slice the tofu into medium rectangular blocks

2- deep fry in hot oil until golden brown

3- drain and cool a while

4- slice fried tofu into smaller rectangular pieces

the radish:

1- peel the radish.

2- slice thinly along a diagonal axis.

the kilawin:

1- saute ginger, garlic, onion and chili peppers in oil.  WARNING: exposure to or inhalation of chili pepper fumes may cause mild to severe irritation of the eyes, nostrils or lungs.

2- add fish sauce (optional for vegans, mandatory for pinoys), radish and tofu and saute for a couple of minutes

3- add water, vinegar and sugar and boil for a couple of minutes

4- add salt and pepper to suit your taste

5- remove from heat and serve with an ice cold bottle of your favorite frothy beverage

so, ahm, how about that?!